Where to start, lack of character, lack of ambience, outsourced, disgusting coffee, piss-poor service.
But let us start at the beginning.
The Cathedral had a lovely tea shop, wonderful ambience, back of the Chapter House, off the cloisters. It closed, the staff fired.
I ventured into the garden a few weeks ago, a couple of days before they opened. I walked in out of curiosity, to be shouted at as soon as I stepped over the threshold, Get Out.
Visitors walking in the garden came across to me and said they were appalled at the way I had been treated.
They went on to say were disgusted at the closure of the tea shop and said it was yet another example of how the Cathedral squandered money. I think if they knew how much they would be even more appalled. I have heard £7 million mentioned. Whether true or not I do not know.
A couple of weeks later I looked again, now open. Very busy. I was told has been much busier earlier.
I looked last week, thought I would try a coffee. We stop serving at four-thirty close at five. It was a little after four thirty.
Why, long daylight hours, warm weather, visitors milling around, why close at five?
Today, try again.
Fountain in the garden not working. Was it my imagination, was it not working when I was ordered to Get Out?
The fountain a monstrosity, unbelievably ugly. This could have been rough hewn limestone, as used in the construction of the Cathedral, smooth on the inside, lined with slate. There would be some leakage. Surround with a circular channel to collect the water.
Lining the footpath, low lamps, grey, less than foot high, ideal trip hazard.
Outside what was the Dean’s residence, tables and chairs in a sun trap. Ideal spring or autumn but not mid-summer, no parasols, no shade.
Inside, noisy, very hot.
Service abysmal. At least four waiting staff came to the table to take order. Completely disorganised.
Long wait for order. How long does it take a tea and coffee when they were not busy?
I went to inquire. I was lied to, told only eleven minutes had elapsed. I looked at the receipt which was stamped with the time. At least fifteen minutes had elapsed. Maybe they cannot count.
I asked why was there no parasols? We have only been open three weeks and did not know it was going to be hot. This is like saying we did not know summer happens.
I asked of the coffee they used. Did not know. I asked when I looked in a couple of weeks ago when I looked in when busy. I asked of the staff brewing the coffee. Did not know. How can be brewing coffee and not know?
Catering supply coffee.
I looked at the cakes. Very unappetizing. Looked like factory cakes.
I returned to my table.
No air conditioning. Very hot.
I then realised time on the receipt was when paid, not when ordered. Order taken, then sometime later asked to pay. Should that not be when finished? The norm elsewhere.
Drinks eventually arrived, Maybe half an hour after ordering.
What was wrong? Where do I start? Cup size far too large, looked as though carpet bombed with chocolate by a Lancaster bomber. I took one tiny sip, too hot, tasted as disgusting as it looked, cheap low quality catering supply coffee.
I took it back. En route was intercepted by a waitress. I explained what was wrong. She started to argue with me. It is never wise when you clearly know nothing about coffee to argue with a customer who does, especially when have just demonstrated how not to make coffee. I have had worse but this was pretty bad.
A young man then came to the table. Said I had complained. Did not introduce himself or explain who he was. I asked and learnt acting manager.
I explained what was wrong. He did at least listen. Unlike the waitress who threw a tantrum, not in my pay grade.
He then asked what would I like to drink? I had assumed a drink on its way. Did I really want cheap crap catering supply coffee? No. By now I had had enough. I asked for a glass of water and a refund. A glass of water was brought and a refund.
Near the table was what looked like a drinking fountain. It dispensed soap. I explained this should be clearly labelled as to what what it was. I can see a child, once worked out how to operate, white froth pours out, will think it a drink. It is foamed soap. An accident waiting to happen. I explained to the acting manager what appeared to be a drinking fountain should be clearly labelled. He claimed it was. No, all it had was the name of manufacturer or supplier, no explanation what it was. I assumed to be a drinking fountain, a child would assume the same.
And the tea? The cup as large as the teapot.
The staff were at least wearing masks which is more than can be said of the adjacent gift shop, where no staff wearing masks. I do not recall name badges worn.
Large posters in the café and gift shop promoting concerts. No mention of services in the Cathedral.
Menu on a plastic laminated sheet. Ideal for coronavirus transmission. I saw no staff cleaning.
We left several minutes before four. Staff were already vacuuming the floors.
When arrived mid-afternoon, not busy, less than a third full. When left, almost empty.
The ambience that of a station waiting room.
A classic example of outsourcing.
If they actually cared and clearly don’t, they would have sourced coffee from Seven Districts, employed a competent barista, bags of the Lincoln Imp coffee on sale in the gift shop.
If visiting Lincoln Cathedral, walk into Bailgate if wishing to eat as spoilt for choice. Try Bailgate Deli, falafel and salad excellent, Sanctuary on The Bail, their backyard a hidden gem. Or Elite on the Bail for fish n chips. Or if a nice day, sit on Castle Hill with a sausage roll from Redhill Farm shop. If wish for a coffee or tea, walk through Lincoln Castle and out the other side to Stokes at The Lawn where on a hot day it is pleasant to sit outside. For the very best coffee, walk down Steep Hill into the city centre and try Madame Waffle or Coffee Aroma. Also in Bailgate a very popular ice ream parlour, always a queue. On the way down Steep Hill, Bells serves ice cream, a traditional tea shop and unlike Lincoln Cathedral Cafe has charm and character. Another place of charm and character, Pimento a vegetarian restaurant half way down Steep Hill, teas served are from Imperial Teas opposite.
Support local businesses, money is circulated within the local economy.
I walked down into the town, sat outside Madame Waffle with Japanese iced coffee. Highly recommended on a hot day.
There are plans to use the café for meetings and conferences. I cannot think of a less suitable venue. And this has nothing to do with the catering, which is easily solved by ditching the current contractor. The rooms are very noisy, in the summer too hot. It would be nigh impossible to follow any conversation or comprehend a speaker.
