Posts Tagged ‘Farnburger’

Latest crass stupidity from the imbeciles at the Rotten Borough of Rushmoor

November 20, 2013
Queensmead repairs four weeks on and still not dealt with

Queensmead repairs four weeks on and still not dealt with

… this scheme, but as with many of Rushmoor Borough Council’s ideas and plans; it has more holes in it than Cllr David Clifford’s integrity. — Dicky Carter

Not content with squandering £1 million on the shoddy repaving of Queensmead, which as a consequence now floods during every downpour, the latest act of crass stupidity from the imbeciles at the Rotten Borough of Rushmoor, is to install free wifi in Farnborough town centre at a cost of £15,000, spread over the next three years.

Do they really think this is going to bring the punters into a trashed town centre which is rapidly going downhill, and now with the planning consent given to demolish the c 1720s Tumbledown Dick for a Drive-Thru McDonald’s, an application for a gambling den (for the moment withdrawn) and now an application for a bingo hall, the green light given going down market?

Apparently so, but then the imbecile leader of the council thought repaving Queensmead was exciting news, and that Starbucks making Farnburger aka Farnborough its home, would bring the punters home.

Whatever these people are on, it must have a high street value.

Dicky Carter summed the salutation up with his excellent blog post on what he calls a vanity project.

Completely out of the blue the folk of Farnborough have been told that we are to get free wifi in our town centre.

The Rushmoor Borough Council (RBC) cabinet have announced that they are to team up with The Mead’s and Princes Mead management, to offer this freebie to shoppers at a cost of £15,000 over 3 years to the local tax payer. Councillor Peter Moyle, Leader of Rushmoor Borough Council, seems to think this will encourage more local people to the to Farnborough town centre to do their shopping, rather than go another town that doesn’t have free wifi.

I actually support this vanity project, although I suspect many local tax payers will consider it a waste of their money (it is their money by the way RBC). A few early question I do have are:

–> Usually, free public wireless fidelity is absolutely rubbish and useless. What measures have RBC taken to ensure this service will be adequate?
–> Phil Stoneman, economic development officer at RBC says that it will increase dwell time, with customers spending more time in the town centre. Will this just increase the dwell time of teenagers? I have never heard an adult mention that they would stay later “if only a shopping centre had an internet connection.
–> One of the many advantages of shopping in Camberley or Basingstoke and then deciding to stay late for a film or something to eat, is the pay as you leave parking system. Rushing back to put another pay & display ticket on the car will not entice people to dwell. What will be done to resolve this?

Overall I’m a fan of this scheme, but as with many of Rushmoor Borough Council’s ideas and plans; it has more holes in it than Cllr David Clifford’s integrity. I hope this RBC project has more success than the recent million pound renovation of Queensmead, which has resulted in some colourful lights in the pavement and cracks that appear to be excellent at collecting cigarette ends.

Once again we are seeing an appalling waste of money by the Rotten Borough of Rushmoor.

Oh how easy it is to waste other people’s money.

We have seen £1 million wasted on re-paving Queensmead, shoddy workmanship, cheap paving slabs, and it now floods during heavy rain. To top it all, the Farnborough Society, a fake civic society, held a silly festival to celebrate the re-paving of Queensmead, with the help of £1,500 from the county council and unknown sums from the local council.

We have seen an unknown capital sum invested by the local council in a Vue Cinema, a bad employer, part time, low pay, zero hour McJobs.

The imbecile leader of the council Peter Moyle, welcomed as exciting news, re-paving Queensmead and that Starbucks had made Farnborough its home, it would bring people into Farnborough.

Er, no.

One has to wonder what sort of pathetic life Moyle leads if this is classed as exciting news.

The local residents rioting and torching the council offices, now that would be exiting news.

And Starbucks has not made Farnborough its home. Its corporate HQ is in Seattle, and for the UK, to enable it to dodge tax is in the Netherlands.

Most towns do not want tax-dodging Starbucks with its rubbish coffee and poor working conditions.

On the other hand, were a quality coffee shop to open in Farnburger, most unlikely, it would be a cause for celebration.

But then we should not forget, the council fell over backwards to destroy the four remaining local businesses at Firgrove Parade.

Do these idiots really think wifi will bring people into Farnburger, a town town they are determined to take as far down market as possible?

What guarantees do we have that neither the partners nor the Council are monitoring the wifi traffic? I would not wish either the Rotten Borough of Rushmoor or KPI/St Modwen to have access to my wifi traffic, nor trust them even if they say they do not.

How do people log in? Is this a con, provide loads of personal information to gain the right to log in? Again, would not be happy with handing data to either Rotten Borough of Rushmoor or town centre developers.

It will take a little more than free wifi to bring people into the Farnburger town centre.

What are people expected to do, sit on the uncomfortable benches and freeze in the cold, get wet when it rains, their feet in the linear pond that forms down the middle when it rains?

So, I take a trip into the town, just so I can balance my laptop on my lap, whilst sitting on an uncomfortable park bench?

And run the risk of some yob stealing it.

And where do I plug it in?

Having told us repaving Queensmead was exciting news and would bring the punters in, we are now told by Moyle wifi is exciting and will bring the punters in!

This is a very exciting project that will encourage more visitors to the town centre. … By offering wi-fi in Farnborough town centre, we hope people will make a conscious decision to come here rather than a town that does not offer free wi-fi. We also anticipate that people will spend longer in the town and that this in turn will have a positive effect on the local economy.

Moyle really must get out and about more as he is increasingly looking like someone who has lost his marbles.

Why would anyone go to the time, trouble and expense, to visit Farnborough, just so they can use free wifi? And in case he has not noticed, free wifi has been available in Farnborough Library for some time, so you do not even have to go to Starbucks or Costa and drink their disgusting coffee.

How does people sat around using the free wifi, benefit the local economy? Makes it easier to order on-line though.

You benefit the local economy, by spending money in local shops, who in turn recycle money in the local economy. Only we do not have any local shops because Moyle got into bed with St Modwens and trashed the town.

You do not benefit the local economy by spending money in Poundland, 99p Store or Starbucks, as that money is drained straight out of the local economy.

You do not benefit the local economy by destroying the small businesses at Firgrove Parade.

You do not benefit the local economy by demolishing The Tumbledown Dick and replacing it with a Drive-Thru McDonald’s.

You do not benefit the social economy by cleansing the town of small businesses.

You benefit the local economy by supporting local small bushinesses, who recycling money within the local economy, small businesses that give people a reason to visit the town. You do not benefit the local economy by supporting national chains that drain money out of the local economy.

You do not draw people into the town by destroying what little heritage and green space is left.

Somehow, I do not think many people are going to take the trouble to go into Farnborough to use free wifi. Yet another example of the local council squandering public money.

I’d rather have The Tumbledown Dick.

Dicky Carter mentions Camberley and Basingstoke, two ghastly town centres especially Basingstoke, which are best avoided, but I agree with his overall gist, people with the means to do so, will continue to go anywhere other than Farnborough or Aldershot.

Note: Picture courtesy of Arthur L.

Redrow red face

November 8, 2013
Farnburger twinned with McDonald's

Farnburger twinned with McDonald’s home of Farnburger Central

If you want to have a laugh, read the marketing brochure Redrow has produced for Farnburger Central.

It reads as a holiday brochure: long walks along the Basingstoke Canal, follow a heritage trail, take a walk in a country park.

Maybe it reads like a holiday brochure, because Farnburger Central looks like holiday lets. You know the type, holiday apartments that are featured in Holidays from Hell. Balconies overlooking a busy main road, enjoy the noise and pollution of the traffic. Built alongside a busy airport, enjoy the noise of aircraft, be overpowered by the fumes from spilt fuel, enjoy the thrill of the risk of a plane crash.

The main difference is, holiday lets are only for a couple of weeks, Farnburger Central is residential apartments, though they give every appearance of being holiday lets

Farnburger Central was developed on land that was part of the airfield. It was earmarked for office space, but when the bottom fell out of the market, someone had the bright idea of residential development alongside the runway of a busy airport, and as always, the Rotten Borough of Rushmoor planning committee, ever willing to rubber-stamp any bad development.

Those who live Farnburger Central want out. They complain of inadequate car parking, heavy handed management, even the local Member of Parliament has got involved.

Two-faced hypocritical councillors wring their hands, shed crocodile tears, the very same councillors who rubber-stamped the development.

The woes of Farnburger Central have featured regularly in the local rag.

The biggest load of garbage is that written on Farnburger town centre, whoever wrote it either a congenital liar or has never visited Farnborough.

Farnborough has three vibrant shopping centres – Kingsmead, Queensmead and Princesmead – and boasts a wide range of pubs and clubs.

Er no, it is the place locals with the means avoid. Pound shops, betting shops, charity shops, junk food outlets, boarded-up units, green space and trees destroyed for unwanted development, the only few remaining local businesses to be destroyed. Recently repaved Queensmead, shoddy workmanship, poor quality paving slabs, floods when it rains, a mere £1 million public money down the drain.

A wide range of pubs and clubs. Er, where?

Planning consent has just been passed to demolish The Tumbledown Dick for a Drive-Thru McDonald’s. A c 1720s coaching inn that pre-dates Farnborough. Until its closure, a popular live music venue. Ooops, there goes the heritage.

Still, never mind, those foolish enough to live at Farnborough Central, will be able to drive down to McDonald’s, only do not expect to be able to park your car, as inadequate parking spaces, then on your return, you will find you have lost your parking space at Farnburger Central.

But is this sort of thing not permitted, do you not have to give a fair and accurate description? Well apparently not, not that is if you print a disclaimer.

Property Misdescriptions Act 1991 In accordance with the Property Misdescriptions Act 1991, the information contained in this document is provided for general guidelines only, and does not form the whole or any part of any offer or contract. These particulars should not be relied upon as accurately describing any of the specific matters described by any order under the Property Misdescriptions Act 1991. Customers are strongly advised to contact a Redrow Homes representative for further details and to satisfy themselves as to their accuracy. All information and computer representations contained in this document are taken from design intent material and may be subject to further design development. The dimensions given in the brochure are approximate. They are not intended to be used for carpet sizes, appliance sizes or items of furniture. Images representative only. October 2007.

As always, buyer beware!

Close all the pubs down now!

October 30, 2013

Brandon Lewis, the government minister for McDonald’s, thinks we should fill our High Streets with tacky fast food outlets like McDonald’s

Close all Pubs!

Close all Pubs!

Health, obesity? Bah, humbug, that is just some socialist namby-pamby Nanny State.

If the poor are too poor to eat bread, let them eat burger. That horsemeat shit is cheap enough. What do they expect at 25p for an industrial burger, prime rump steak?

Did me no good, and look at me, I’m as fat as a pig. Soon I will be a fat slob like my boss Eric Pickles.

A pickle, did you say? Yes, I will have one of those too, well ok maybe two or three.

It did not do Tweedledee and Tweedledum any harm being fat. Reminds me of the plebs casting their vote, a choice between Tweedledee or Tweedledum. Oops, not supposed to say that, but I cannot tell the two apart. Or as it plebs I am not supposed to say. It is so hard being a minister, knowing what one can and can not say. I am a new boy, did I tell you that?

Pass me the ketchup old boy. What’s this, what do you mean McDonald’s no longer do Heinz, something about a spat between them and Warren Buffett, Buffet appointed to head Heinz a crony from Burger King.

Did I tell you my mate Dave likes a burger? Or at least he was photographed holding one near his mouth. Looks good for the plebs. They did not tell you, did they, he threw up afterwards? Or was it Ed? I can never tell one from the other, they both spout the same bollocks. It must be something to do with going to the same school. Or was it Ed and Boris went to the same school, or was it Boris and Dave went to the same university? See what I mean, so much to get your head around, and always some pesky scribbler or journo trying to catch you out.

Oops, I was not meant to tell you any of that either.

Oh, it is so hard being a government minister, with no one telling you what to do or say, especially when you are the new boy. It is a bit like being School Prefect.

When I was little it was easy, we had Nanny telling us what to do. Then at school, it was Sir telling us what to do. I was not sure about the bit, taking down my trousers in his study. Oops, he told me not to talk to me about that.

I have got an outing to look forward too. It is not all boring stuff being a minister. I am going to a place called Farnburger. They used to have a stupid name like Farnborough, but they saw the new name had much greater appeal.

Farnburger twinned with McDonald's

Farnburger twinned with McDonald’s

Farnburger is my type of place. They are going to knock a dirty old pub down for a nice shiny new McDonald’s. Who wants these old buildings cluttering up the place, they look so untidy, no uniformity? And it was a pub. Who needs pubs when you can go to Tesco? They are about to open a 99P Store and soon an Adult Amusement Arcade (a gambling den between you and I).

I can see I am going to have so much fun as minister for High Streets and Pubs.

— Brandon Lewis


October 23, 2013
Farnburger twinned with McDonald's

Farnburger twinned with McDonald’s

Farnburger, The Rotten Borough of Rushmoor, twinned with McDonald’s.

Excellent subvert, for the McTown of Farnburger.

Three weeks ago, the McCouncil of Rushmoor, granted planning permission to demolish The Tumbledown Dick for a Drive-Thru McDonald’s.

%d bloggers like this: